My life lately has been difficult, stressful and disappointing. It all started in September of 2018. My husband and I decided we would start our family while we were preparing to up root our life in Ohio so he could join the military. He was set to leave for basic training in November.
Then a mistake was made at work and my husband got suspended. We powered through it and just focused on the future we were going to have with the military.
In October, we said farewell to the place we were leaving and moved in with my parents so I wouldn’t be alone while he was gone. When the day came for him to leave, he was sick and they told him he couldn’t leave. So we patiently waited for his infection for clear up and them to give me a new leave date.
During this time, I got lice. For the first time ever. It is NOT a fun thing to deal with. And after everything else that had been going on in my life, it felt like a low blow. Could things get any worse?
Now he was set to leave in March. We were excited again. Maybe this was a way for us to spend the holidays together. Maybe this is why we hadn’t conceived a child yet. Then another turn of events. They contacted him and decided he would be leaving much sooner.
Once again, the day came. Everything was set. He wasn’t sick. I was going to get off work early and take him where he needed to go. I looked at my phone and saw a text from him. All it said was “I’m in trouble.” Turns out he fell on the basement stairs. Both knees were badly bruised and he had trouble moving.
I wasn’t happy with him at this point. It felt like he was purposely sabotaging our plans. This was probably the toughest thing our marriage had faced. Although we worked it out, the military decided they were done with him. All our plans came crashing down. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. What were we going to do?
We stayed with my parents while he tried to find a job close by. During this time, we got a puppy. Thanks to the kindness of my parents. After months of trying and completely draining our finances, he went back to his old job. But he did have a lead on a job outside Ohio, which led us to live in separate places. I stayed at my parents house and he went to live with his.
At this point, it’s been months since we started trying to conceive. Each month became more difficult and hurt each time my period showed up. But I reminded myself it was normal to not get pregnant right away. It could sometimes take a year.
It is now August of 2019. Almost a full year since everything started falling apart. We still haven’t conceived. And we’re still living in different places. We have the hope still of his out of state opportunity. But life hasn’t been easy. We’ve tried my being patient but our patience is growing thin.
I’ve found myself crankier and less patient with people. So much so that I recently lost a friend over a stupid comment. I rarely have anyone look in on me and feel alone most of the time. I miss my husband and we can’t to be living in the same house. I’m tired and fearful to get my hopes too high even when it looks like everything will work out.
It’s been the longest, hardest year of my life. I hope and pray that I am stronger for it. Maybe things will finally start to turn around. Maybe this seemingly never-ending year will in fact come to an end.
Lost Girl 